You thought you could just walk into SVCV, ask for an internship and immediately get a little desk with your name on it?
BABE.
Your professor just emailed you.
Your final is tomorrow.
And you're on a corporate careers page trying to secure a corner office.
Responsibilities: knowing where the printer is, pretending the printer works, and surviving Monday.
Requirements: 47 tabs open, 0 tabs understood, somehow still presenting at 9 AM.
Must possess an unhealthy relationship with Photoshop, caffeine and deadlines.
Must know what EBITDA means and be emotionally prepared to explain it to everybody.
Thank you for your interest in SVCV, Inc.
Unfortunately, your application has been rejected by the Department of Girl Be Serious.
The "no bi-weekly pay for the brokies" line is purely fictional parody of an absurd corporate recruiting universe.
Please put the pitchfork down. HR is already crying.
Obviously, this is a fictional joke. SVCV is not secretly operating a CIA/FBI alumni-only recruitment desk.
This webpage is a fictional parody of a corporate internships and careers portal. The exaggerated rejection notices, absurd hiring requirements, "go study" jokes, milk-carton gag, FBI/CIA alumni references and payroll jokes are intentionally comedic.
The page does not represent an actual SVCV, Inc. recruitment policy, employment requirement, compensation policy or hiring announcement.
GO DRINK YOUR MILK.
DO YOUR HOMEWORK.
LMAOOOOOOOOOO.